New Daddy Survival Kit

My brother-in-law is going to be a new daddy soon, and we thought this kind of kit would be fun to give on his birthday before the baby is born.

It's kinda hard to tell what's in it since my hubby already packed it up and "wrapped" it. He says he made a bow out of the strap. But, there is a list of everything in there with instructions on how to use it for the baby.

Here's the instructions so you can read them. (Yes, that's sloppily on purpose duct tape)

How to Change a diaper

Please read all instructions, as any hesitation, uncertainty or mistakes may result in the need to call in a Hazmat team, and psychologist to aid with emotional scaring.

Prepare Yourself:  It is vitally important that you do not skip any of these steps.

• ·         Put on the poncho.
• ·         Securely fasten the face mask and safety glasses.
• ·         Put on a pair of rubber gloves.

Prepare the Baby:

• ·         Ensure the pacifier is properly used, offer correctional advice and demonstrations if needed.
• ·         Remove the babies clothes to expose the diaper area.

Diaper Removal and Cleanup

• ·         Before proceeding warn all people within a 15 yard radius that things are about to get dangerous.
• ·         Ensure that all people are at least 2 yards away (safely outside the ‘Splash Zone’).
• ·         Remove the diaper attempting to clean any soiled areas, use words like ‘eeew’, ‘yucky’, and ‘poo-poo’, as this reassures the baby.
• ·         Wrap the diaper back up and place in a hazardous waste bag.
• ·         Clean the baby with the baby wipes.
• ·         Use tongs and turkey baster in extreme cases.
• ·         Apply a clean diaper following all approved manufacturer instructions.

Sanitizing and Disposal

• ·         Clean all supplies thoroughly using alcohol sanitizing wipes when needed.
• ·         Dispose of the Diaper at the nearest Hazmat drop-off.
• ·         Pack everything back in to your kit, and mentally prepare for next time..

Q: What if I don’t have my kit with me?  A: Without your kit, you are no better than ancient caveman dads, and unfortunately cave-children typically score in the lowest 10% on standardized tests… Coincidence? … not likely.

Q: How do I know if I am ready?  A: You are not ready, embrace that fact and prepare for anything.

Q: What should I do if the situation gets out of control?  A: Call in backup! Never wait or attempt to handle it yourself.

Q: Isn’t this a bit excessive? A: Safety is never excessive, follow all instructions.  Don’t give in to peer pressure.  Remember, you want your child to be successful. 

(Caveat: I did not write these instructions, my husband did. It's all his own opinion on how to care for a child)

Seeing as my hubby left some supplies out of the instructions, I guess I will list them here:
Toolbox
Diapers
Baby Wipes
Poncho
Safety Glasses
Dust Mask
Rubber Gloves
Ear plugs/nose plugs
Tongs
Turkey Baster
Pacifier
Hazardous Wastes bags (Ziploc with hazardous waste symbol taped on)
Hand Wipes
And a small photo frame